4 hours of sleep.

That is the average amount of sleep that I’ve gotten daily for the last 2 months. It was a little bit better when I was part time at school because I could spend Tuesday and Thursday getting additional sleep. Looking back on it now, it was also pretty bad even when I was part time because I just was a bit shy of averaging 6 hours of sleep.

In December, I was just an occasional drowsy driver. Now I’m feeling suddenly drowsy throughout random points in the day. Even when I’m being active like taking a walk or chopping veggies. It was a total struggle to stay awake while driving. None of my tactics like eating, buzzing my lips, pounding my leg with my fists, or screaming at myself would work. I’ve been pulling myself over to take short naps during my morning commute–hoping that it would be enough to make it to school on time.

Then I got sick last week and was totally miserable. It was bad enough that I was drowsy–now my mood was totally down and I felt so irritated all the time. I needed to do less and commit to a real curfew and bedtime. This week, I decided to cut my private studio down massively. No more traveling students and no more non-cello students. It was really hard for me to let these students go since I get so attached and teaching is something I love to do… but I need to put myself first.

This week I averaged about 5.5 hours of sleep. I could feel a huge difference. Sounds obvious, but I feel more awake. I was really happy yesterday when I got to work without needing to pull over for a nap.

My goal is to average 8 hours of sleep daily. I plan on being in bed by 7:30pm. I won’t be able to reach there immediately–but eventually I’ll get there.

I hope my mood improves and I achieve some clarity of mind as I pay off my massive sleep debt.

I hope I don’t ever have to deal with this situation again in the future. I already been through this whole ordeal 4 years ago and you would think I had learned my lesson about sleep deprivation. But old habits are hard to break…