- I can’t believe that I’ve lasted this long and taken this career this far. I’ve landed on the most cushiest job possible. 10 years ago was my first year with Berryessa and was slowly building back my confidence after being a long term sub at Hoover Middle School. When I started my first year, I told myself that I needed to tough it out for at least two years before I quit. I’m still teaching now. At this point I can’t call myself an imposter.
- I have a lovely house. The burden of the mortgage is mentally weighing down on me. I hope I’ll feel a tiny bit better in 10 years when hopefully the interest rates miraculously become ultra low. My property tax bill is massive and is going to kill any savings I have built up.
- I woke up feeling unaccomplished. I had this dream where I sat down in a meeting where other people showed off their accomplishments and I could only talk about how I’m finally able to come to terms with my sleeping issues or that I’ve recently picked up running again. One of the self-help newsletters I’m subscribed to, kakikata, had the perfect message for me yesterday. She wrote: “Unlike in the US, in Japan there is less of a focus on individual exceptionalism. Individuals in Japan usually aren’t raised with the narrative that it’s important to be extraordinary, or to accomplish world-changing things. Instead, there is a stronger emphasis on doing your responsibility to contribute to the greater whole.” When it comes down to it–who said I had to be exceptional? It isn’t certainly something that I want–the construct is just something I was pressured/brainwashed to accept. When it comes down to it, all I want is an uncomplicated boring and peaceful life.
That being said, glory feels so good. I think I just need to find glory in things that I want for myself… like finishing up all my laundry, having a clean house and having enough time and energy to maintain my garden. - I will be healthier this next decade. Lose weight. Run daily. Drink more water. Sleep well. Get my blood pressure under control.
I have a good life. I started out the day feeling quite glum–but figured out that I was reacting to the weather. I think next year I’ll plan to not work on my birthday. naw, I think I’d feel a lot happier with an additional $400 in the bank to pay off my mortgage.